she's a pretty nasty girl

I'm pretty, I'm nasty. It's the reality of a 20 something living in NYC. I'm Rosie, he's Sam. We are derelicts by choice but pretend to be normal.

gchatting with my mother.

 rosie:  cant wait til my kids partake in the science fair
 Sent at 4:28 PM on Friday
 mom:  science fairs are fun!
 Sent at 4:31 PM on Friday
 rosie:  my coochie hurts
too much sitting down for this vajayjay
 mom:  tmi
hahaha
my cat just bit my other cat on the throat.
what is goin on yo?
 rosie:  idk
the world is a mess
i want to make lasagna tonight
 mom:  yummmm
 rosie:  im worried i am connected to my exes through telesomatic communication
 mom:  what?

More poop

I’m realizing now that I might only talk about feces up in here, but whatever.  This morning, Sam thought I had left for work. hahaha  I needed to grab some frizz-ease from teh bathroom casue my shit was already outta control.  I knew our roommate Claudia was still asleep, so I just opened the door. 

Guess what
I caught him MID WIPE. 
HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
He looked mortified. 
and screamed.
then laughed
and I was falling over laughing
and the cat was in there with him. Just sitting there.
Then I said “Ok I’m leaving for real”
puckered up
he kissed me
and then told me to get the fuck out, and to let him finish.
I’ve been laughing about this all day.

Hey honey, look at my shit.

This morning I was showering and Sam needed to take a dump.  I could tell from the smell of sulfur that he lit matches the entire time he went.  Afterward he couldn’t help but showing off.  ”Hey Rose, my poo puts your poo to shame”  I peeked out.  It was a lot of poo.  I guess I forgot to tell you guys about last week when I first took the most pathetic little terd and sent a pic to Sam (it was my first time doing this. sending a pic of poop) and then a few hours later (and a few cups of coffee later) I had such a fulfilling duke, so I sent him that pic too (it was really impressive) —- So anyway.  I looked at Sam’s poop this morning.  True love people, true love. 

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stoned, suffocating vagina.

This morning I almost accidently sent Sam’s mom  text message that said “I’m so stoned and afraid to get up from my desk because I am insecure about my new boots” — Thats right. At 10 am, I almost sent my man’s mother a text message about how stoned I was at my workplace.  Wouldn’t that have been awesome? I also am wearing a pair of jeans that fits me on a skinny day. Guess what? I’m not having a fucking skinny day.  Therefore, I have a camel toe I need to keep totally under wraps.  I literally feel like my vagina is suffocating.  I also have the sorest spots on my sides from my undies being crammed into my muffin top. It’s almost purple.  Will this cause significant damage to my lady parts?  I really can’t wait for this day to be over. I’m so uncomfortable. 

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WELCOME!

Poop. BO. Hairy pits and ingrown hair. CHA CHA CHA.